I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
