all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
