Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
