I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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