so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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