It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
