I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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