Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
