it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
