Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize