it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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