I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
