I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
