She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
