So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
