I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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