I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
