Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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