at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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