I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
