I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
