She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize