I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
