its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
