He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
