Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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