SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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