Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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