Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
