I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
