Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
being pregnant is like rehab
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize