Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
