Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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