Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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