Apparently you make a good broom.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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