Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
