Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
