apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
