Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
