Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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