your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
