So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
