Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
