Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
