I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize