What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
