i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize