glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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