ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
