just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize