You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
