don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
