So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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