One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
