Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize