I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
