Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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