I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
