official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
