OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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