chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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