You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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