u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
