If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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