ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
